Jump

” Just get you nose out of the paint”.

I love that.

Stand back from your work for a while and then take a fresh look.  It is true, sometimes you are so close to it you just can’t see it and  a perspective  view can often lead to a prospective opportunity.   Which is what I am gearing up to do.  I have been writing now for a couple of years and it is time to stand back and take a look at what has formed.  Which means that I will be deconstructing and reconstructing a bit of the work.    It really hasn’t been work though, it has been more cathartic spewing and a way to reach out of my own little place to find better footing. And I want to see if there is anything of substance there.

I want to package it up for the kids, along with some other writing that I kept in Mamie’s green trunk, and weed through it  to the succinct parts and pull them together into one cohesive work.   Then move on.

But that is a cover for what this is all really about.    I want to get done with the demons that have been shadowing my psyche and to do that I have to ask them to come out of the dark corners,  ask them to dance,  celebrate the lessons and what they have brought me and then by that exhaustion, there will be no more power to it.   And it is time to do that because the chains that bind you to the past are heavy and the key to open those chains and  to walk freely in the moment are found in forgiveness.  And besides, you can’t really cut loose and dance if you got something all tangled around your feet.   You certainly can’t fly if you have something wrapped around your feet either.  And I was built for dancing and flying.  We all are.

Emmie’s surrender gave light to the corners and the demons that hide there for me too and to help her though her journey of healing, I have been asked to come to the table on Tuesday evenings to hear about certain parts of my life I would rather forget,  and it all tumbles out of the mouth of my child.  The most precious thing to my heart is my children.   And lulu has been calling in too.. she has not escaped the fallout of all of this either.

“Mum,  I am calling not really to talk to you, but you are the only one I know who will know what to do.   So here is the thing.. my friend…blah, blah blah.. “

So I have joked that I have a 50%success rate with my kids, but Lulu calling in from college with an issue brings it up to 75% success rate and maybe 10 more points for Emmie getting into treatment which gives me an 85% … which is a solid B grade and I will take that any day.    And I will give myself an A + for effort.    I might not get it right, but I do try my hardest.

So with that,     it is good-by for a while… I know you will understand  and I can be easily found.

I like to write letters,  old school style and so if you would like to get one, then send me one.   PO Box 584… grantham 03753.  Easy Peasy.

Time to get my nose of of the paint and see what I have made.

Alexandra